Finding comfort in the midst of the unknown

Whenever I find myself in a transitional phase, or “season” as we Christians often say, I am once again challenged to find comfort in the midst of the unknown. 

I lost my job about three and a half months ago. It’s both flown by and felt like a lifetime. I’ve traveled four of the last 14 weeks, so by the time I begin to settle in at home, I am packing up to leave again. I have so many ongoing projects, conversations, and ideas rotating through my mind at all times, I feel like an octopus with its tentacles stretched out in eight different directions waiting for just one fish to come close enough to catch.  

But I don’t feel anxious. I’ve been through enough uncertainty to know that God will always provide for me, not just financially, but in opening the right doors when it’s time. Scripture and previous experiences provide me this hope and assurance. 

When I first moved to New York City, I was obeying God’s direction without a plan or job lined up. I arrived with one giant suitcase and $300 in my bank account. My cousin and her fiancé graciously gave up their couch so I could live rent free until I secured a job. For a couple months, I worked a part-time retail job at the Fossil store in Times Square. But they weren’t scheduling me for enough shifts and I began to worry that I wouldn’t have enough money to even take the train to work. 

One morning, the store manager called to cancel my shift that day. I cried to God wondering how I was supposed to make this NYC dream happen. But through my devotional reading that morning, He reminded me that I wasn’t supposed to make anything happen — that was His job. I asked Him to provide — most immediately, I needed breakfast. I walked to the grocery store and bought eggs, bread, hot sauce, and coffee for less than $10, which was nearly all the money I had left. This seemingly small triumph deepened my trust in Him. I was overwhelmed by the joy of relying on my Heavenly Father and from then on knew he would do much more than just provide for my physical needs. A couple weeks later, I secured a full-time job and could afford to travel home for the holidays. 

About a year later, I quit that job with no plan or another job lined up. All I knew was that it was time for a change and that God was preparing the way for my journalism career. I had saved up four months of rent, but didn’t have much more for living expenses. So this required me to once again rely on God for my provision. And He always delivered. Friends hired me to babysit their kids and people would randomly pay for my meals or coffee. Even at times when it seemed impossible, I could always pay my bills and afford to stock my fridge. After four months of this, I landed the internship at Business Insider that paved the way for the next five and a half years of my career.  

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” — Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV)

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Photo by Jade Stephens on Unsplash.

At this moment, I have no idea where God is taking me. I’m applying to journalism jobs, but I’m not entirely sure He wants me to have a 9-to-5 right now. I’m creating TikTok content with no payday in sight. I’ve had multiple people reach out to me with potential collaboration ideas, but none of it fits neatly into a formal role or contract. 

The other day as I was praying, I had a vision of God as a painter, meticulously placing each brush stroke of my life onto a canvas. He was painting a landscape, but I was choosing the colors with which He painted it. He reminded me that it didn’t matter to Him which colors I chose, as long as I was partnering with Him. Whether I picked green, purple, or yellow, the picture would eventually become a landscape. It might be representative of nature as we experience it with green vegetation and blue skies, or it might be an abstract interpretation with violet mountains and yellow lakes, but the style meant less to Him than the end result. 

This analogy reminded me that my choices are not going to “make or break” the vision God has for my life. My decisions are important to Him, but what’s most important is that I am in a constant state of collaboration with Him. That means praying about everything, surrendering each area of my life to Him, and trusting that He will make a masterpiece from all my paint blobs.