Diving right in, falling on my face
A hike in El Yunque ended in a clumsy dive off a small cliff.
I seem to have a talent for diving into the water face first.
I first learned this when I was in Costa Rica last year. I dove off a platform about two stories high into a lagoon and made a giant splash with my half-cannonball-half-belly-flop. I lost a hoop earring from the impact and one side of my face was definitely sore as I swam out of the water.
I once again proved my diving skills last month in Puerto Rico. My friends and I hiked through the jungle in El Yunque National Forest and climbed some rocks where the tour guide told us that we could dive from the lowest, middle, or highest spots. Being the adventurer that I am, I chose the highest point. I wanted to make sure I didn’t get too close to the rocks below, so I leaned forward. In doing so, my whole body titled and I made another glorious cannonball-bellyflop. At least this time, a life vest cushioned some of the impact so it didn’t hurt so much.
After posting these videos on social media to share a laugh with others, I got thinking about how maybe my diving off small cliffs somewhat resembles the way I readily dive into things in life.
I love adventure and new challenges, excited by the prospect of adding one more accomplishment to my collection of experiences. And when I begin to feel fear arise, I remind myself that God is down in the water, ready to catch me. There aren’t a lot of big risks that scare me away from trying them at least once. I moved to NYC with no job and only a few hundred dollars in my bank account. I later quit my first full-time job to pursue journalism, with no job prospects and just a few months of rent saved up. And now I am still very unemployed after getting laid off months ago, traveling from place to place with no real plan for my career.
Failure doesn’t scare me. I know I can fall flat on my face and get right back up. I’m enough of a klutz in my everyday life to know the bumps and bruises don’t last. But I do sometimes worry that my technique will be wrong. Should I lean forward or back? Should I tuck my legs or keep them straight? Should I use this font or that? Should I save three months of expenses or six?
It’s the little details that can paralyze me at times, even when I know God is in the little things too. He’s shown me that more times than I can count, yet I still often need the reminder.
When I’m standing at the top of a cliff, I have to jump right away. Or else, I begin to fear the moment I start thinking too much about the water down below or how I should jump.
Lately, God’s been giving me some very big ideas, visions, and directions. At first, they’re exciting and I get straight to writing them down, planning them out, even drafting up pitch decks. But then as the little details come into view, I begin to hesitate.
God has faithfully guided me through all my haphazard jumps. He told me to jump, so I did, and He always worked things out even when I didn’t know what I was doing. But now I think He’s asking me to be more strategic. He’s pushing me to establish technique, to think — and pray — first, and consider the impact these things could have. Because it’s not just about me anymore. What He’s asking me to do will have a ripple effect to many others and with that comes responsibility to care about the details and how I get there.
